My Everest

In my limited time I’ve met less than a handful of enlightened souls. Before I conclude this thought, I wish to express that my awareness is limited and may not be attuned to see other enlightened souls. Regardless I would like to share this quest which has consumed me for the last few years.

Recently I met a woman who had no voice in her head. She saw the present interaction for what it was. She felt the emotions behind the question before the words were ever understood. There was no lag time from when the question was asked to when she presented the answer. Her technical skill in the method of medicine she practiced stood above the rest. Her Aurora was felt many feet away from her.

I had the fortunate circumstance to explore the depths of the spirit with this woman. As I write this discussion, I can feel an unmet curiosity regarding the impetus for her enlightenment. At this juncture I do not know why she chose to live in peace. I suspect, she has a genotypical or phenotypical advantage that facilitated this journey. She was born without the voice in her head. Yet she still made a conscious intention to choose a life path in spirit, free from the distractions of this world. The sincerity of her commitment ultimately outweighs any genetic advantage. When I met her, I told her she was on my Everest. She lived casually at the place I sacrificed everything to be at. Imagine climbing to the top of Everest, after a multi-year journey, sacrificing it all, to find someone in a beach chair, under an umbrella, drinking lemonade, at the top of the summit.

Why do I share this story? To point out that I do not know where the desire for awakening and enlightenment arises. Why did I choose such an extreme and uncommonly traveled path? What lives within me that felt so compelled to relinquish my societal conditioning, thoughts, and my Mind? I do not know. 

What I do know is that I was tired with my Mind. I was tired with the voice in my head that never turned off. The trials and tribulations of my mind frustrated me. I would have a good day and then a bad day. The Mind made up stressors, lies, and opinions. It prioritized ego and the preservation of the ego over actually seeing and feeling reality. The Mind as I came to see it represented everything that was untrue. As you read my words or listen to them, your Mind is talking over me. Every fourth word is interrupted by your mind forming a thought. It’s like the tale of Harrison Bergenon in Kurt Vonnegan’s short story. It is constantly distracting us from the reality that sits right in front of us. It prevents us seeing our true potential of what we can accomplish and create in our time on this planet. 

To focus, our society needs effort, breaks, caffeine, prescription stimulants, just to quiet the Mind long enough to get the task at hand accomplished. Forget the notion of getting lost and truly understanding a matter at its deepest level. Initially I asked my Mind to reel itself in but I was at a loss. Affirmations, self-talk, journaling, meditations, morning routines, are all creations of the mind to entertain itself. Through serendipity and desperation, I became exposed to work such as the writing I’m doing today. I knew I had a Mind that was distinct from my consciousness, because I could tell when my Mind was going crazy. I was not my Mind. There was a Consciousness separate from the mind. 

It was revealed to me that I can turn my Mind off. An example of my Mind of the past was like a car that never turns off. At home, my car is off in the garage. It’s not driving aimlessly around when I don’t need it. My mind was a dog that never stopped barking regardless if it was happy or sad. 

To quiet my Mind, I needed an understanding and a sacrifice. The understanding was that there is a consciousness separate from the voice of my mind. That consciousness, as I have come to know it, is my spirit. That spirit can feel and understand, without thinking or logic. 
The sacrifice came from letting go of all the pleasure that I gained from my Mind. The Mind is our greatest source of pain, but also our greatest source of pleasure. Ego stroking, feeling accomplished, self-worthiness, are some of the unique pleasures the Mind provides. In this way all pain and pleasure came from the same place. To turn my Mind off, I had to give up feeling pleasure. It was my sacrifice, and looking back to it, it was one I’ll happily make again forever.

On the other side, with the Mind off, I felt peace, quiet, the ability to see reality, to experience truth, to feel what needs to be felt, to be all in, and to experience enlightenment. You get all those things automatically for free, if you live without mind, and in spirit. It was my quest to free myself from my Mind, and after experiencing my Everest, I don’t want to come down from this summit.